The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
