Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I intend to get homeless drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
