Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
