i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
