I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
3 2 1 whiskey
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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