if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
