he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We had sex on a dog bed..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
