he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
