The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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