we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my shit smells like andre
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you never un-have a 4some
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
