he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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