At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
