Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
