is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
