So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
