I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
