Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
