You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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