New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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