I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
