Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
