but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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