You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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