I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
