I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
