so that wasnt chicken after all
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
