I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
