We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
