i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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