You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
