also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
