My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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