I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have feelings that need drinking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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