i think i have herpe
just one?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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