I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
