I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
