I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So. Much. Porn.
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