Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
