So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
