My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
