Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
