Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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