Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
