theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
