sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
