i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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