Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
