i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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