so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
