i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
