"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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