Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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