we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
