Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have aggressive nipples.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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