why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
