Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
