We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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