He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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