Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
