Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
