I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
