You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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