I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
