everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
