she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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