I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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