my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize