she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
