did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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