Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
