Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
