we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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